Wednesday, 31 December 2014

Chin-Chin! Here’s To A Really Amusing New Year

Ching ChingDON’T YOU JUST LOVE IT when that carefully scripted address, delivered by a seriously pretentious stuffed-shirt, and eminently self-serving politician, is met only with raised British eyebrows, turning heads, and the spontaneous pursed lips of each audience member as they turn to their neighbour for assistance in politely suppressing the welling laughter that threatens to overtake them.

If ever there was a generic trait which identified the nature of what it is to be British, it is surely that innate ability to call upon all of one’s willpower with the magnanimous intention of sparing another’s embarrassment. That generic trait, which may not permit us to prevent the tears from forming in our eyes, but which, with the help of a deep breath, permits us to take control of our emotions and reply, if asked about our short loss of composure, that ‘your speech actually moved me to tears.’ Then, as our inquisitor nods wisely, we and those listening can bring out the hankies and turn away, reinforcing those orators’ self-assurance that their skills really do have the ability to sway an audience.

There is nothing more precious to the British soul than preserving all the best jokes, so that they might be fully enjoyed by others – and patting us on the shoulder, whilst we are forced to blow our nose, really does help anchor our behaviour…

Friday, 12 December 2014

Ambition Before Duty - That Is The LibLabCon Way

B3yMi6YCIAAV444HAVE YOU DONATED YET?.. It seems that all the UK political parties are conducting detailed academic surveys of their members views in the run-up to next year’s general election as a result of the UKIP threat. Place that alongside the fact that all the established parties have been stealing UKIP policies and dressing themselves in their clothes since the latter’s landslide victory in the 2014 European Elections, and it becomes increasingly clear that the LibLabCon Alliance has now abandoned any pretence it might once have claimed for integrity or the moral high ground.

Some might say that this latest development is to be welcomed; that, at last, the political leaders are finally consulting their members about their views; but it is not the act of consultation that we should be focusing our attention upon: it is the what and why of this latest exercise that has been specifically designed to provide the information they need to retain power.

Monday, 1 December 2014

LibLabCon’s Unbelievable Incompetence

ONCE UPON A TIME, the United Kingdom faced a problem. Its government had encouraged the population to produce more children to replace those lost in the war years; but the virtual loss of a generation of workers presented a quandary: how to rebuild what had been destroyed while the new generation grew-up.

Fortunately, the Commonwealth was there to assist us, and our friends were only too happy to leave their own lands in order to help. They spoke our language; had fought alongside us during the war; shared our principles; integrated into our society – and became one of us.

‘Oh dear,’ said the government some years later. ‘That solution came at a cost. We have been paying for those workers’ health services, housing, and pensions – and now we are paying them for being out of work.’

Oh, yes. The United Kingdom had been rebuilt with the help of our friends; business was booming, and those whom had not fought in the last two wars but remained at home, profiteering in a thriving black market, had every reason to be grateful.

But they weren’t…